Bunny Mail: Two

Last year around this time, I wrote the very first bunny letter. I was depressed and despaired so the bunny mail was a self-therapeutic (if not self-deceiving) expression to talk myself out of agony and to commemorate the lesson I learned from the experience. I did get out of the bell jar gradually (A literary reference here. See The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath). How I feel now perfectly fits Esther's portrayal of her fear at the end of the novel.

How did I know anywhere - the bell jar, with its stifling distortions, wouldn't descend again?

So far I cannot find a better description of the uneasy feeling than Plath's. The world is bright and beautiful again. You are finally actually happy again. But once in a while, when you are alone, you feel the bell jar hovering over your head; its shadow sweeps across you, leaving you cold and distressed. After a night or two, you wake up feeling happy again. The cycle repeats.

In Spring 2013, I had an epiphany which completely changed my life. I realized that nobody in this world would love me if I did not love myself. Self-love means taking good care of myself and living a happy life for no one but myself. That was when I started to work out regularly, to eat healthily and to create inner peace within myself. The healthy diet and habit helped me shed a few pounds. The over-all body image improved, so did my self-esteem. I am confident to say that I love my body and my body is beautiful (so I was told). What self-confidence can do to a person is beyond your imagination. His/her smile is much brighter. He/she exudes  a natural charisma. He/she shines in radiance. And that's how you make someone fall in love with you.

My journey to a better self did not stop at diet and exercising, which were pretty much physiological. What is more important is the spiritual growth that guides you to inner peace. Living in a fast-paced city like Hong Kong, the hustle and bustle makes people forget about the greatness of life. Because of its simplicity and fundamentality, happiness is taken for granted and that's exactly how it is lost. One thing I learned this year is to never take anything for granted. Bottom line, expectation is the road to hell and gratitude is the key to happiness. When you appreciate the little things that happen to you or around you, you'd be surprised how wonderful life can be. At the same time, let us also accept the fact that bad things happen to us too. Instead of dwelling on the badness of the matter, I believe bad things are challenges sent by God to prepare us for the best. Sometimes I have a tough time in my career, my relationship or with my family, I think of it as a training for becoming a better me. Embrace difficulties because they make you stronger.

The inner peace is an psychological equilibrium you find within yourself. You are fine with emotional ups and downs because you know you will always be at peace again. I could be honest with you that I am feeling upset now because expectation failed me yet again. But then I don't feel bad because I know feelings will eventually fade away but experience won't. The more experience I have, the better person I will be. This leads me to my ultimate theme of 2013.

The most important lesson I learned this year and thus my motto is this - Appreciate the good but don't settle just for it; Look for the better but don't live just for it. It means that we should be thankful for everything we have, while constantly striving for a better option. That way we are ambitious, but we are not greedy. Other than my inborn tremendous curiosity, my hunger for knowledge is basically derived from the desire of becoming a better self. The truth is, learning is a wonderful and rewarding experience that I immensely enjoy and I think everybody should too. I learn about new things every day so the me today is always smarter than the me yesterday. For example, today I learned that the tear duct is connected to the nose and the throat so you can actually taste the eye drops when you apply them. Now you see, I just become smarter, so do you.

I found the key to happiness this summer. I also had the best summer ever this year. The people I met (Yes I am talking about you sweetie), the memory I made, the feelings I had, they are all precious to me. I would love to believe that they are consequential and correlated. Then the story will be like this - The protagonist finally started to love herself and thus made herself happy. The happiness in her made her blossom in confidence. Her charisma attracted a man who made her even happier. She was more beautiful and awesome than ever. End of story.

TL;DR TIL being better is the only option in life.